Last Monday after Weight Watchers, I went across the street to Sunflower Market, coincidentally to buy sunflower seeds...funny. Anyway, on my way into the store a lady stops me in the parking lot to say that she's hungry, her food stamps haven't come in, and she needs food. Unfortunately, I had the common reaction of rolling my eyes and getting ready to say "sorry I don't have any money" and walking away. Thankfully what came out of my mouth was a resigned "I don't have cash (because in truth I never do) but I can buy you some food if you want to come in the store." We proceeded inside together where she kept mentioning and grabbing her "oh I just need this" items. I agreed begrudgingly. As we trek through sunflower, in my mind I hear "she's scamming you, this is dumb Leah." What my ears hear is the lady talking about how hard her life is and how she knew she should have gone to church on Sunday but she was just so tired. My ears and heart should have perked right up. She gave me an opening, I didn't even have to try. Here was an open door to share the gospel and she was one who brought it up. But instead of stopping and really asking more and engaging her in conversation, I made some lame remarks about how she should have gone to church and how God was blah blah blah. I honestly don't even remember what nonsense I mumbled to her. I completely wasted my chance. In reality her groceries didn't even cost me $9 but I was so eager for her to be away from me and I was sitting there wondering if her damsel in distress act was legit that I slammed that door shut with a resounding thud. Even now I wonder if Jesus just looked down on me and shook his head. Here, he had brought a hurting and hungry person to me, I didn't have to do a thing but open my mouth and I wasted the moment. I'm so ashamed.
Every Sunday we talk about our mission...to share the gospel and win people for Christ and I fail in the face of being out of my comfort zone. The lady shook my hand and introduced herself by name. She thanked me profusely, but my small monetary donation to her life was empty and pointless because I didn't let God into our very limited time together.
So this got me thinking about all the other times I've stamped out my chance to be Christ to others, like when I attack my husband or lose my temper with my students. When I don't stand up against injustice or allow myself to just be complacent. This isn't a Leah pity party... it hurts to know that I've looked away from opportunities to fulfill my purpose. I missed the mark
8.29.2010
8.02.2010
I Knew I Had a Problem when...
Contrary to what I may have expressed or led people to believe since Weight Watchers has been weight loss journey, it was not my weight gain that ultimately made me realize that I needed to make a change and something was not right in my eating behaviors. You see, my weight gain and hitting the biggest size I've ever been was a result of some patterns and bondage that I had allowed myself to fall into as it related to food.
It is true that I am an emotional eater and boredom eater but more than anything I am a secret eater. There is a wall post in my kitchen that effectively blocks me from Mike's view when he sits on a particular couch. I would stand behind that partition and munch on anything and lots of it. I was purposely hiding while I ate because I was ashamed of eating it or how much of it I was eating.
One day I went to the grocery store and saw 3 Musketeers at the register (my favorite!) and since the candy bars were on sale I bought that one plus a milk way. I figured I would "treat" myself to the 3 Musketeers and save the Milky Way for another day. I tore into my candy bar the second I was in my car. As I was driving, I figured Mike would question the candy bar and be disappointed in me so I decided to eat both in the car and I even went so far as to shove the wrappers in a bag and hide them until I could throw them away. I was disappointed in myself. I felt me starting that horrible shame spiral where I make a bad choice, feel guilty and make another one to cover it. I cried when I went to leave my car because I felt to ashamed of the fact that I was hoarding food and hiding it from my husband.
When I went to talk to Mike you would have thought I was confessing adultery or fraud I was so ashamed. I showed him the wrappers and explained that I ate them in my car and planned to throw them away without his knowing. I had a problem. Food wasn't just causing me to be unhealthy...it was causing me to be in bondage.
I decided it was time to make a change. I started going to Weight Watchers. My doctor had been seriously cautioning me to begin losing weight immediately so he willing wrote me a letter of medical necessity and therefore Flex spending reimbursed my weekly meeting fees. On February 22nd I started to make a change. Since then I have attended WW 24 weeks without missing a meeting. I know many people scoff at a "diet" and say that it's a waste of money. "You just need to watch what you eat, work out more and do everything in moderation." I get so sick of hearing those ridiculous words. For anyone who is overweight, you might agree "moderation" only exists within your ability to have self-control. My problem was that when food was involved I had none. Weight Watchers has taught me how food really interacts with the body and how we process what we take it. In 24 weeks, I've not only lost 31.8 lbs and 2 sizes (yea me!), I've broken my pattern. I eat everything in front of anyone, I'm never ashamed and I feel like eating has just become part of my life instead of the focus of my life. While it's true that I haven't had fast food since Feb. 22, I have eaten at Chick-Fil-A (grilled chicken with half the bun and a side salad with a tbps of reduced cal. dressing) and you know what? I don't feel deprived or let down. I have a french fry (stealing one of Mike or my sister's plate) and then Mike takes them away because he knows it's easier to resist a temptation when it's not there.
My goal date is Oct. 31, 2010 to hit my goal weight and then I'll go into maintenance. The wonderful thing is I know I can make this goal, it's not just a notion. Mike is my biggest advocate and goes out of his way to make my weight loss and healthy eating as easy as possible. I have a wonderful support also in my dietitian friend Thea, my fellow WW buddies father-in-law Glenn, Karen and Joann, my mom who always wants the best of me, and my ultimate cheerleader Kathy. It's so important in any goal that you have people to support you and go along in your journey. Whether it's weight loss or whatever the goal, the first step is to recognize there's a problem and then go forward. As Yoda said "No, there is no try. Do or do not but there is no try"
It is true that I am an emotional eater and boredom eater but more than anything I am a secret eater. There is a wall post in my kitchen that effectively blocks me from Mike's view when he sits on a particular couch. I would stand behind that partition and munch on anything and lots of it. I was purposely hiding while I ate because I was ashamed of eating it or how much of it I was eating.
One day I went to the grocery store and saw 3 Musketeers at the register (my favorite!) and since the candy bars were on sale I bought that one plus a milk way. I figured I would "treat" myself to the 3 Musketeers and save the Milky Way for another day. I tore into my candy bar the second I was in my car. As I was driving, I figured Mike would question the candy bar and be disappointed in me so I decided to eat both in the car and I even went so far as to shove the wrappers in a bag and hide them until I could throw them away. I was disappointed in myself. I felt me starting that horrible shame spiral where I make a bad choice, feel guilty and make another one to cover it. I cried when I went to leave my car because I felt to ashamed of the fact that I was hoarding food and hiding it from my husband.
When I went to talk to Mike you would have thought I was confessing adultery or fraud I was so ashamed. I showed him the wrappers and explained that I ate them in my car and planned to throw them away without his knowing. I had a problem. Food wasn't just causing me to be unhealthy...it was causing me to be in bondage.
I decided it was time to make a change. I started going to Weight Watchers. My doctor had been seriously cautioning me to begin losing weight immediately so he willing wrote me a letter of medical necessity and therefore Flex spending reimbursed my weekly meeting fees. On February 22nd I started to make a change. Since then I have attended WW 24 weeks without missing a meeting. I know many people scoff at a "diet" and say that it's a waste of money. "You just need to watch what you eat, work out more and do everything in moderation." I get so sick of hearing those ridiculous words. For anyone who is overweight, you might agree "moderation" only exists within your ability to have self-control. My problem was that when food was involved I had none. Weight Watchers has taught me how food really interacts with the body and how we process what we take it. In 24 weeks, I've not only lost 31.8 lbs and 2 sizes (yea me!), I've broken my pattern. I eat everything in front of anyone, I'm never ashamed and I feel like eating has just become part of my life instead of the focus of my life. While it's true that I haven't had fast food since Feb. 22, I have eaten at Chick-Fil-A (grilled chicken with half the bun and a side salad with a tbps of reduced cal. dressing) and you know what? I don't feel deprived or let down. I have a french fry (stealing one of Mike or my sister's plate) and then Mike takes them away because he knows it's easier to resist a temptation when it's not there.
My goal date is Oct. 31, 2010 to hit my goal weight and then I'll go into maintenance. The wonderful thing is I know I can make this goal, it's not just a notion. Mike is my biggest advocate and goes out of his way to make my weight loss and healthy eating as easy as possible. I have a wonderful support also in my dietitian friend Thea, my fellow WW buddies father-in-law Glenn, Karen and Joann, my mom who always wants the best of me, and my ultimate cheerleader Kathy. It's so important in any goal that you have people to support you and go along in your journey. Whether it's weight loss or whatever the goal, the first step is to recognize there's a problem and then go forward. As Yoda said "No, there is no try. Do or do not but there is no try"
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