Last Monday after Weight Watchers, I went across the street to Sunflower Market, coincidentally to buy sunflower seeds...funny. Anyway, on my way into the store a lady stops me in the parking lot to say that she's hungry, her food stamps haven't come in, and she needs food. Unfortunately, I had the common reaction of rolling my eyes and getting ready to say "sorry I don't have any money" and walking away. Thankfully what came out of my mouth was a resigned "I don't have cash (because in truth I never do) but I can buy you some food if you want to come in the store." We proceeded inside together where she kept mentioning and grabbing her "oh I just need this" items. I agreed begrudgingly. As we trek through sunflower, in my mind I hear "she's scamming you, this is dumb Leah." What my ears hear is the lady talking about how hard her life is and how she knew she should have gone to church on Sunday but she was just so tired. My ears and heart should have perked right up. She gave me an opening, I didn't even have to try. Here was an open door to share the gospel and she was one who brought it up. But instead of stopping and really asking more and engaging her in conversation, I made some lame remarks about how she should have gone to church and how God was blah blah blah. I honestly don't even remember what nonsense I mumbled to her. I completely wasted my chance. In reality her groceries didn't even cost me $9 but I was so eager for her to be away from me and I was sitting there wondering if her damsel in distress act was legit that I slammed that door shut with a resounding thud. Even now I wonder if Jesus just looked down on me and shook his head. Here, he had brought a hurting and hungry person to me, I didn't have to do a thing but open my mouth and I wasted the moment. I'm so ashamed.
Every Sunday we talk about our mission...to share the gospel and win people for Christ and I fail in the face of being out of my comfort zone. The lady shook my hand and introduced herself by name. She thanked me profusely, but my small monetary donation to her life was empty and pointless because I didn't let God into our very limited time together.
So this got me thinking about all the other times I've stamped out my chance to be Christ to others, like when I attack my husband or lose my temper with my students. When I don't stand up against injustice or allow myself to just be complacent. This isn't a Leah pity party... it hurts to know that I've looked away from opportunities to fulfill my purpose. I missed the mark
Two thoughts:
ReplyDelete1 - at least you recognized what could have been and are allowing this experience to become a lesson for you
2 - you still were Jesus to this woman, even if you didn't use words... "For I was hungry, and you gave me something to eat. "Matthew 25:35
"Preach the gospel always, If necessary use words." ~ St. Francis of Assisi.
You always offer such great perspective Amber
ReplyDeleteOne thing a dear friend always says to me when I feel weary of my sin (which is OFTEN): "Krista, why do you even WANT things to be different? That is God's grace in you." I'd say the same to you. Even the desire to desire to desire to share the gospel is sweet evidence that God is at work. I'll be praying for you, friend, and am excited to catch up over coffee!
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