Daddy's Girl

Not too long ago, the artist Neyo came out with a new song "Let Me Love You". Although I'm sure his intent was to write it about a girl (possibly not even a specific one, who knows) but honestly, it spoke to my heart in a way he (or his writers) likely never expected. These are the lyrics (from directlyrics.com):

Much as you blame yourself, you can't be blamed for the way you feel
Had no example of a love, that was even remotely real
How can you understand something that you never had
Ooh baby if you let me, I can help you out with all of that

Girl let me love you
And I will love you
Until you learn to love yourself
Girl let me love you
And all your trouble
Don't be afraid, girl let me help
Girl let me love you
And I will love you
Until you learn to love yourself
Girl let me love you
A heart of numbness, gets brought to life
I'll take you there

Girl let me love you
Girl let me love you baby, oh
Girl let me love yo
Girl let me love you baby
Girl let me love you
Let me love you, let me love you, oh

I can see the pain behind your eyes
It's been there for quite a while
I just wanna be the one to remind what it is to smile
I would like to show you what true love can really do


This speaks to me on several levels. Similarly to many other girls, I didn't have the relationship with my dad growing up that little girls dream of (and deserve). I'm not saying he was a bad father but there wasn't a passion, an unconditional display of love and affection that I believe little girls need and desire from their daddies. Furthermore, I also believe that my relationship with my earthly father seriously impacted my view of my heavenly father and how He felt about me. I spent 20 plus years believing that I was always "in trouble" with God, that He was disappointed. I spent most of my Christian life cataloging my faults and focusing on my short-comings rather than embracing the love and Grace that God desired to lavish on me. Don't get me wrong, I know that He desires my obedience, He longs for me to live a life that is worthy of the Gospel of Christ. However, these goals should not be at the expense or in place of living in the light of an Abba who adores His children who call on His name.

Needless to say, my serious "daddy issues" followed me into adult hood and reared their ugly head in my relationship with Mike. For four years, I doubted him, I put myself down in front of him (and still struggle with that), and could hardly believe that he could really love me. Little did I know that God was using this precious man to slowly reveal Himself to me in a real and intense way. Through delicate and some times difficult moments, I started to taste the freedom that is associated with unconditional love. I started to warm under the praise of a loving man. What I came to realize is that Mike's love for (similar to God's love for me) had nothing to do with myself but everything to do with Grace. Double bonus... Mike came with this amazing father who from the very beginning has always treated me like a daughter. He tells me he loves me all the time, he embraces me, seeks out time with me, is patient with my moodiness (that we all know I tend to), and is unbelievably supportive of some of my most bonehead mistakes. Grace.

My appreciation for these two special men came rushing to me in a hurry when I first heard this song by Ne-Yo. Through them I have experienced a renewed understanding of God's love for me. I know that love has nothing to do with me, and all with God. I'm so blessed to not only experience this for myself but watch this love trickle down to Kenzie. We need gentle men capable of showing this love to their wives and daughters.

"A heart of numbness, gets brought to life"- is there any other way to describe what God's love does?

Bucket List updated

100 Things to do before I Die

Academics/Career:

1. Be a principal
2. Be either a superintendent/district administrator
3. sing/speak at a public event8th grade promotion May 2012/worship team for Tres Dias
4. Be a grade level team leader
5. Get my master's degree August 2, 2012
6. Get a doctorate degree
7. Teach a college class 
8. Start my own business/support my husband starting a business Epic fail with Mary Kay but at least I tried

Family:

1. take my daughter to get a pedicure for her first birthday
2. Make baby books every two months for the first year of my children(s)' lives.
3. attend a mother/daughter sleepover
4. go to grandparent's day
5. have ALL my children and grandchildren come home for Christmas
6. french braid my daughter's hair 
7. Be a mother-of-the-bride
8. watch Mike walk our daughter down the aisle
9. hold my baby in my home in her Aunt's blanket
10. offer my engagement/wedding rings to my grandson/granddaughter
11. serve on a Tres Dias weekend with my husband
12. speak to my grandfather about his experience in the Holocaust
13. Dedicate Kenzie at church 5/13/12
14. Adopt a baby with down syndrome

Personal

1. weigh less than 140 lbs
2. Have no need for contacts or glasses
3. come up with 100 items for my list
4. VBAC
5. Rectora/Head Cha
6. Own a black pug
7. Own a MAC/Ipad
8. get married 6/19/09
9. have a baby 10/14/11
10. buy a home
11. see someone accept Christ
12. become a member of my church
13. Host a bible study at my home
14. Write and publish a children's book
15. Write and publish a novel
16. Complete a pull up
17. Do a hanging sit up

Travel/World Experiences: 

1. Cruise to Alaska
2. Live in England for a year
3. Take the Lord of the Rings tour of "the Shire" in New Zealand
4. See my husband baptized in the Jordan River 
5. Meet a president
6. Go on the Disneyland Cruise
7. vow renewal in the church Mike's parents were married in
8. Visit the tribes of my Native American heritage
9. Live in a "Stars Hollow" town

DIY/Activities:

1. Collect all the Cinderella stores from around the world
2. Have an entire room in my home with floor to ceiling libraries
3. Own all the Caldecott winning books
4. take a drifting class
5. Make the hair bows for my daughter's sport's team (volleyball, cheer etc)
6. learn to hip hop dance
7. solve the rubic's cube in under 4 minutes
8. Read all of Jane Austen's book
9. Go to the midnight release of the final Breaking Dawn movie 11.16.12 Thanks Tami, Stacy, and Holly!
10. Complete a parallel study of the Gospels in progress with Jenn
11. Take a ride on the light rail- Thanks Joann!
12. learn to use a sewing machine 
13. trash the dress in water
14. relearn and "speak' sign language fluently
15. Shoot a gun Happy Birthday to David!
16. Learn to ride a sport bike
17. Learn how to do a fish tail braid 
18. Run a 5K 

Finances:

1. Eliminate all debt
2. Pay off all student loans
3. Learn how to invest 

Total: 69
Completed: 11

18.2 lbs in 5 weeks? Yes please!

I have blogged about how amazing and awesome the Simply Filling Technique is through Weight Watchers but I've decided to outline how and why. Spoiler alert: you could follow this and probably not even need Weight Watchers meetings, although I find their etools very helpful (for only $12.95 a month) and highly recommend trying it.

Let me start by saying that I did the tracking program through WW for over a year and lost 46 lbs...it works! Weight Watchers works! Let me continue by saying, using the Simply Filling program through WW, I've lost 18.2 lbs in 5 weeks!!!! Did I get your attention? Let's continue...

image from stackoverflow.com

What is Simply Filling? Simply put, Simply Filling is the non-tracking brother to the Points Plus Program through Weight Watchers. In WW, there are foods that are labeled as "Power Foods" and they are signified by a green triangle  in all of their program materials. Simply Filling works great for people who don't have the time or patience to track everything they eat. You make the majority of what you eat come from the Power Foods and only deduct points plus values when you eat non-Power Foods. Simply Filling Technique eliminates daily PPV (Points Plus Values) altogether and you are left with your weekly 49 PPV.They key is that you stop eating as soon as you are satisfied (Never Full)

Sooooo...what exactly are Power Foods? Without causing serious copyright issues because I do like to observe proper Netiquette, Power Foods are actually quite simple:

• all fruits and veggies
• lean meats (93% fat free or more, skinless, trimmed etc)
• nonfat dairy
• whole grains (actual whole grains, not processed, partial, or artificially inserted grains) It must say 100% whole grain and nothing else. 
• 2 tsp of healthy oils (olive, vegetable etc) daily

Um, don't I already kinda like eat that now? Yes we do but notice what is excluded from this list. Anything prepared, boxed, broken down etc. Now I admit that many non fat dairy products have been processed (fat free cheese etc), I get it. However, it is quite easy to drink fat free milk, use fat free sour cream, fat free cream cheese etc. This is different than eating fat free chips or something like that. There is not huge amounts of added chemicals. If you are concerned about it and really want to go healthy...add all organics to the list! 

What does this look like in a daily life then? I am so glad you asked! I have found some fantastic recipes to help me along my way. I shared the slow cooker pumpkin oatmeal made with steel cut oats a while back. You can grab that recipe here. I have found that I love plain nonfat greek yogurt for breakfast with just a sprinkling of splenda (yes I eat that crap) with a whole cut up banana. I snack on fruit like ALL DAY LONG!!!!!! Lunch is fun and quite frankly flirty salads topped with everything from frozen corn and black beans with salsa to left over grilled chicken, fat free feta, and a small handful of almonds (those have to be deducted). This week it is homemade bean dip topped with salsa, mounds of lettuce, FF cheddar over Tostitos baked scoops. Yum!!! 

But I want a glass of wine, is that a Power Food? Alas, it is not. However, you have 49 PPV to use for the week in any way you'd like. Enjoy a glass of wine (4 PPV for 4 oz), have some ice cream, include some real parmesan on your whole wheat pasta and homemade spaghetti sauce. Huge perk...not even joking- Grande Skinny cinnamon dolce latte at Starbucks is a Power Food. What!! 

How do I start??? Start by saying no to anything prepared in a box for you or prepared as a frozen meal. Make your meals and freeze them yourself to go to later in the week. Explore veggies and fruits that are seasonal because they are cheaper and usually taste better. This is the perfect time of year to try some new squashes. Stock up on fruits and veggies. Yes you will have to shop at least once a week because natural, non-processed foods just don't last as long.  I literally buy a bunch of 8 or more bananas three times a week. My daughter, husband, and I gobble them down like people catnip.

I have said it and I'll say it again, I have been so successful using the Simply Filling Technique through WW. You don't lose 18.2 lbs in 5 weeks not loving the program. I never feel deprived, I don't take any pills, I do my strength training with my physical therapist for my knee (for which I earn activity points and hence more food points), and I never feel deprived or starving. I enjoy a brownie if I want it and I don't hate myself afterward. Simply Filling is just that...Simple. 

Busy Weekend

My friend Leigh-Ann joked on Facebook this weekend that she as looking for the energy to do stuff around her house and I asked her to share with me if she found it...well, I may have stolen it. I was way more productive this weekend than expected, especially considering we have a sick baby too.

Saturday morning was mostly spent with Kenzie; poor thing is so congested but still very happy, which is surprising. Her nose is still both runny and stuffy but she's eating and sleeping normally so I'm not too worried. I went on a "Cook for the week" rampage Saturday afternoon. As I've been really digging into the Simply Filling plan through Weight Watchers (and seeing awesome results), Mike and I have committed to cooking/preparing our lunches to take to work rather than eating out. Typically we do this together (which I also love) on Sunday evenings. I started early...

I tried out three new recipes this weekend (and highly encourage you to try them as well):

Slow Cooker Pumpkin Oatmeal

I am not a huge fan of large chunks of pumpkin so I substituted with Honey Crisp Apples (yum!) and I decided to am up the flavor with Pumpkin Pie Spice instead of just the cinnamon and Nutmeg (highly recommend). 

Sweet Potato Pudding

This was for Kenzie- I used actual Sweet Potatoes rather than yams, which is clearly what is used here (the orange color). I chose the Rice Milk over the Almond milk just because I haven't introduced nuts to Kenzie yet. I doubled this recipe and added a little more milk than the recipe called for.

Baby Bolognese

I couldn't find the alphabet letters so I used Arthur shaped noodles from a box of organic macaroni and cheese from Spouts. 

Altogether, each recipe made 5 meals so I froze and stored them in containers for dinners for a couple weeks (the oatmeal made 6 one cup servings). It's true that Kenzie is also getting to the age where she can eat many of the things we can (for some crazy reason the kid loves Salmon!) but I don't always want her eating our meals because the meats can be tough for her (we love our red meat) and sometimes our spice or salt content is too much for her. I have noticed that keeping an assortment of roastable veggies and fruits make great combos for her at dinner time. She will plow through a couple bananas, half a roasted sweet potato and half a pear in a meal. 

I'm not ashamed to admit we are also prepared baby food people. We prefer the Plum Organics brand and are blessed with Grandma and Nonni who help supply Kenzie her yummy food. And of course we are not above all the Gerber snacks that Kenzie loves loves loves... like Puffs, Wheels, breakfast bars, fruit leathers, and Mum Mums. We keep all of those stocked constantly. I find myself in a content mix of making Kenzie's food and having some prepared stuff on hand. 

Today, I focused on meals for the week. For lunch I decided to take a break from my salads and embrace some lean sirloin with roasted onions and yellow peppers paired with steamed edamame. It's fun to keep things new and fresh. So Leigh-Ann, maybe I did steal your energy :)

Simply Filling, Simply Fabulous

Ugh...you ruined my groove. I have seriously felt like Emperor Kuzco for too long now. Something ruined my groove and I could not get it back. Most of you know that I successfully lost 46 pounds on Weight Watchers before I became pregnant. I tracked, I counted points, I lost. When I was pregnant I figured that I would gain the necessary 25-30 lbs and then quickly lose it by nursing afterward...

One year later, I wear a larger pants size than I did before I lost weight the first time, I still weigh has much as I did after having Kenzie (which was 50 lbs more than before I got the great news that a baby was growing inside me). Circumstance after circumstance, excuse after excuse, time after time...I gained I lost, I gained I lost. I jumped on the 5 lb roller coaster and have been doing loop the loops for 12 months.

But then two week ago...I found my groove!

Weight Watchers has a less known component of their program called Simply Filling. Based on Weight Watchers extensive research, there are certain foods that are considered to be high in protein and fiber, low in fat and low in simple carbohydrates; these are called the Power Foods. I like to use this analogy to describe power foods vs. non-power foods: imagine that you want to build a fire. You can make fire using newspaper or wood. Newspaper catches quickly but burns out instantly and if there is no other fuel, the fire will be gone. However, if you burn your fire using wood, the fire will stay warmer and sustain longer. High sugar, low protein/fiber foods are easy for the body to burn and therefore don't stay with you long. You will be hungry again soon. Foods that have more protein and fiber with complex carbs take longer for the body to burn and therefore ward off hunger.

Simply Filling operates on the principle that you make the majority (and I mean large majority) of your daily intake come from Power Foods. This basically eliminates ALL processed foods (anything from a box, fast food drive, and a lot from jars). It may seem like this makes things much harder but in fact, I've learned that Simply Filling has made my life just that: simple. Power Foods include:

• most non-fat dairy products (your choice to go organic)
• many lean meats/proteins
• all fruits/veggies
• true whole grains

Going Simply Filling has given me the opportunity to be way more aware of what I eat and even better...why I eat it! For example, wild, sock eye salmon is a power food but farm raised is not. Rolled oats, steel oats, and even quick cooking oats without any added sugar, maple flavoring etc are power foods but many instant cooking oatmeals have additives and hidden (or unhidden sugar) that adds points. I also learned that the phrase "Whole Grain" is deceptive. You really have to look at labels to learn what is in fact whole grain. Boxes can say whole grain but if you look at the ingredients they are a mix of part of the grain and usually something else like Semolina (in pasta). Semolina isn't necessarily bad but if the only ingredient isn't whole wheat then you are eating other stuff.

In my first week I learned to just stock my fridge and pantry with awesome power foods. Coincidentally, they are also foods I like giving Kenzie. We eat many of our meals together because I know what I'm eating is good for her too. Yes I still eat out, yes I still enjoy my glass of wine but I've found my groove again and lost 4.8 lbs the first week on it.

This week I am trying several new recipes (including some for Kenzie). Check them out:

Baby Bolognese

Butternut Squash and Apple Soup

Pumpkin Slowcooker Oatmeal

 I weigh in again on Monday and I don't expect another 4.8 lb loss. I have relished feeling more energetic, more in control of my eating and at the same time less focused on it.

Boom Baby!

Product Review: Proactiv and Wen Hair

Over the summer I succumbed to my consumerist tendencies and my susceptibility to advertising. I decided to try Proactiv and Wen Hair by Chaz Dean. I did research about both, sought feedback from people I know who use both products, and understood the financial commitment that both required before starting either product. I've decided to stop using both products but I thought I'd share my results in case others are interested in considering using Proactiv or Wen Hair.

acnetreatment.net

I have occasional break outs and thought that Proactiv with all of its celebrity endorsements would be the solution. I used the basic three step line, which should be done twice a day. I had to immediately cut back to once a day because my skin was tight and felt so dry. I could only use the acne medication as a spot treatment because it dried out my skin. Overall, I've decided that the price of the product was not worth the lack of results and serious change in skin moisture. I still have my sporadic break outs so perhaps Proactiv just isn't for me. I've used almost every type of skin care out there. I've used every variation of Clean and Clear, Neutrogena, Origins, Clinique, and the Say Yes line (in blueberry, cucumber, and tomato). My favorite by far will always be Mary Kay. I wish I knew someone who sells it. I wish that I still sold it just so I could get the product. Nothing has ever worked better or been more worth the price than the Time Wise line by Mary Kay.

marykay.com

I have thick, frizzy hair. I thought that Wen Hair might tame it and give me the silky Asian style, straight hair that I can only achieve with tons of product and a flat iron. The Wen Hair line is different than most other shampoos because there are no sulfates so there is no lather. I realize that I actually wanted the lathering. Because the shampoo has no sulfates, it won't strip off product, build up, or dirt and grime. Wen Hair continues to coat the hair and I believe that is what gives the slick, soft feeling that people reportedly love. I decided to stop using the product for a few reasons:
1. I have to use so much product and a tiny bottle is $30. One little bottle only lasted 3 weeks and I only wash my hair every 3 days or so.
2. The washing process is tedious. You have separate your hair into sections and use a comb to move the product through you hair. I just don't have time for this.
3. My hair felt heavier than it already is, it felt constantly oily, and was not smoother and silkier at all.

wenhair.com

So...I cancelled both subscriptions and luckily it was easy to cancel both. I can't say don't use them but I wasn't a fan.

The Real Superheroes of Phoenix

This post has been on my heart for a while but honestly it's difficult to write and I've been praying about the words before publishing them in ink (as Erica Albright says in Social Network). Now that our family is back together and life is getting back to normal, I've been able to actually process this experience with CPS and I can say with all sincerity that the phrase, "you will know who your true friends are" became so relevant.

As my life and Mike's life unraveled around us, there were two forces that carried us through. I've blogged about the most obvious one, God; I want to share about our friends and family, our real live Superheroes. Some of you may be familiar with the idea of the Christian Church in action, let me describe what this really looks like:

In Matthew 25 Jesus tells as a story (a parable) about the sheep and the goats and he describes a time when he will recognize those people who fed Him when He was hungry and clothed Him when He was naked. In response to their confusion (because they could not remember ever feeding Jesus when He was hungry), he replied, "whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers and sisters of mine, you did for me." This truly describes the sacrifice that too many people made over the last 6 months for Mike and me. 


Start in Phoenix Children's Hospital where my pastor's wife, Stacy, and my great friends Holly and Kristy visited not just once but several times. In addition, we even had the support of my sister and brother-in-law Christie and Kevin who were only in town for the weekend from Denver, my father and mother-in-law who were getting married that same weekend, and my mom and Bek who drove back and forth from Tucson everyday for four days (sometimes in the middle of the night). My co-workers Rose, Jessica, and Kristin worked over the weekend to plan lessons for a last-minute substitute teacher in my absence.


The night Kenzie was taken, I was surrounded by the love of my mom (who was furiously cleaning my home to manage her own pain), my friends Kristy and Dana and pastor's wife, Stacy who sat and cried with me all night while we waited for an absolution that did not come. 


Two nights later, friends from all over the valley crowded into my livingroom to pray with me including Sarah, Kristy, Christy (my previous pastor's wife), Holly, Jessica, Lindsay (who was already uncomfortably pregnant), Tami, Stacy and her husband Frank (my pastor), and more that I'm forgetting. There were so many unexpected and appreciated gestures such as Tami bringing dinner for anyone who was hungry. 


Only a week later, almost 40 people took time off work, drove from other cities, and sacrificed their time to sit in a court room all day. There were people there I had never met and Mike hadn't seen in years but they heard of our plight and wanted to come and show their support in the courtroom. Two of my pastors (including one from my last church) came to stand in testimony. There were families, friends, church members from both CCS and Chaparral, Tres Dias, and co-workers sitting in Juvenile court. We were even supported by people like Kathy, who by all rights should have never wanted to be there for me (after my appalling treatment towards her), and she came all morning with her three month old son. 


Without diminishing the divine power and intervention of our Heavenly Father, we must attribute our daughter's return to Jim Padish with Padish and Wells Law, who fought for our case relentlessly (and working his influence even when we didn't even know his maneuvers) pro-Bono. 


Additionally, I can't forget my father and mother-in-law who opened their home to Kenzie for 10 weeks while we waited for justice. 


This is the Christian Church in action. These are real superheroes. If anyone ever asks me how I can believe in a God I can't see, I will say, "I have seen the army of God encamped around me."