Confessions of a non-conventional...or maybe conventional mom

Let me start by saying that this post may be highly controversial, gasp-inducing, and "how dare she" in nature but if there is even one other mom who needs to be told "it's okay that you make these decisions" then it was worth it.

Here's the list of what you should know about me as a mom:

• I had two c-sections. I had a c-section with my first baby because she was breech. I had a c-section with my second baby because I failed to progress and her heart couldn't withstand the Pitocin. Oh, yes...I used Pitocin with my second birth even though it was a VBAC. I have read too many blogs and websites, and posts, and boards that basically say I was coerced and bullied into using Pitocin because my water broke but my labor didn't start. If you had a c-section or you used Pitocin, guess what? That was your choice! Only you and your doctor/mid-wife knew what was best for you and your baby. Was it the best choice? Who knows! Was it the right choice? Yes, because it was yours and you are a good mom! It's okay if you had medical interventions to assist in your delivery. It's okay if you used an OB instead of a midwife and Doula. It's okay if you birthed in a hospital, with an IV, on medication like I did. Now, if you chose not to do those things, that's okay too but you are not less of a mom because you used medical intervention.
• I tried breast-feeding and gave up. I can lie and say that I did absolutely everything I could to nurse and pump and give my baby breast milk but honestly, when it didn't work after a couple weeks, I used formula. Is formula the same as breast milk? No. Will formula nourish and feed your child? Yes.  Is breast milk good? yes. Will it prevent any and every childhood infection, illness, disease, etc? No. Will formula guarantee that your child will be riddled with ear infections, illnesses, a weakened immune system etc? No! Let me just put it out there...Kenzie has been on formula since she was two weeks old (well now she eats food but you get it) and guess what? She NEVER had even one ear infection. She's had only a couple colds and is in general, super healthy! My advice, definitely try breast feeding if that's what you want to do. If you can, awesome! If your baby won't latch, if it stresses you so much you sit with your baby at your breast crying while she cries like I did, then move on! I had two amazing friends who both breast fed their babies for a year who told me that I need to do what's best for my baby and that's being a happy, sane mommy. You will bond with your baby, I promise! I am ridiculously well-bonded to both my babies...not sucking on my nipple didn't prevent that. 
• I vaccinate. Did I just say the new four letter word? I vaccinate with everything that is offered my baby including the flu shot. Is it because I'm an uneducated, ignorant, uninformed and horrible mom who falls victim to the lies of western medicine? NO! It's because I have done my research and I have decided that vaccinating is best for my kids and family and feel no regret. I vaccinate so my friend with a little boy fighting cancer won't contract something and die. See, he can't get any shots or vaccines because of his weakened immune system and is susceptible to many illnesses  so I vaccinate to protect him and kids like him. I vaccinate to protect all the kids whose parents choose not vaccinate them. It is 100% their choice and I respect that but let's be honest...if we all made that choice, too many of our kids would be dying of diseases that could be otherwise eradicated and currently suppressed. It's their choice not to vaccinate, and it's my choice to vaccinate. My choice allows them to safely make their choice. I am not a criminal for vaccinating my child. 
• I let my baby cry. Gasp! I follow Baby Wise and yes, sometimes my babies have cried for a few minutes before I picked them up. Did I ever not meet their needs? No! Did I sleep train, yes! There are tons of blogs and sites that preach on the evils of sleep training but you know what? There is a reason why we need to sleep. It's during sleep that babies process and commit to memory what they learned, saw, heard, and experienced while awake. In addition, research has shown that babies will metabolize better if they can set a sleep schedule early on. And as a mom who works full time, I need sleep too! Both my babies have slept up to 8 hours by 8 weeks. I will not be told that I'm "so lucky" to have easy babies who sleep through the night. I worked DAMN hard to achieve this including persuading my wonderful babysitter to be on board with our routine (and she is, bless her heart) and telling my loving mom to please stop putting my baby to sleep as she cuddles her granddaughter. It's not because I'm an evil, selfish mom; it's because I want to give my baby the gift of a full night's sleep..and me too.
• I love to work! Do I also love being home with my girls? Yes! Am I okay with taking them to a well-trusted babysitter while I go to work and do what I love to do? Yes! I love my job! I love having a job and something I go to everyday. I love coming home and seeing my beautiful girls. I don't desire to be a stay-at-home and that doesn't make me a bad mom...or you either if you work either out of choice or necessity!
• I believe in the public school system and have no desire to home school my child. I will send my daughter to public school, I'm okay with someone else educating her. I think parents who choose to home school are ambitious and amazing...it's not for me and that's okay.
• I let my kids watch TV...kind of a lot of it. I can't justify anything or any reason why. Will my daughter grow up to be a low-life, uneducated, idiot? Likely not. So yes, I do rely on Mickey Mouse Club House and Doc McStuffins on occasion...okay all the time and it's just okay that I do.
• I feed my daughter sugar and fast food. OMG, my kid eats happy meals. I don't buy organic or make all her food (although I did like to make her baby food because it was cheaper and quite frankly, fun). Happy meals make her happy...and sometimes me too. There are days when cooking is not going to happen. My husband and I both work full time and now with an infant at home, cooking doesn't happen everyday. Ergo...fast food some times.
• I had postpartum depression with both my girls. Not the Baby Blues, feeling a little emotional type of PPD, I mean the sitting on the bathroom floor bawling, not able to pull myself together PPD. What's more, I needed medication to help me pull out of it and I'm not sorry that I took it because it has made me a better mom, able to focus on my girls rather than my emotions. 
• I use disposable diapers. I considered cloth diapers actually and know several friends who use them with their kiddos and love them! I did research and asked around but it came down to what was easiest. Honestly, the idea of even deciding which disposables to use was exhausting and stressful, so stressful in fact that I abandoned the notion before I even tried them. Yes, we've had diaper rashes, which may have been remedied by cloth diapers but considering that we had to take both girls to a babysitter and work full time, I just couldn't do it and feel no remorse over it now.

Here's the point to this post. I feel like there are SO many posts, blogs, and websites that almost virtually criminalize parents who do any of the things that I mentioned above. Furthermore, it seems like these issues are actually putting moms at war with each other over decisions that are entirely up to each individual parent. Parenting is hard enough as it is without us passing severe judgement on our fellow moms who more than anything, just need someone to tell us that we are doing a good job. Don't we beat ourselves up enough without help from each other?

For parents who use cloth diapers, homeopathic doctors, all organic foods, natural child birth etc, more power to you!!! You are super awesome moms because you do exactly what is best for your child(ren) and works in your family. For all the moms who do what I shared above, more power to you! You are super awesome moms because you do exactly what is best for your child(ren) and works in your family.

That's my soap box. I'll step down now, go have a glass of wine and feed my infant a nice warm bottle of formula while my two year old sleeps in disposable diapers after watching an hour of Mickey Mouse Clubhouse.

1 week later...what it has really been like

It's not secret that I was preparing for and hoping for a VBAC (vaginal birth after c-section) a.k.a. trial of labor. Everything was falling into place: no complications on my part, a head down baby, started showing labor symptoms without intervention, term baby...

On Tuesday morning (the 29th) I had a good feeling that I would be going into labor very soon. Sure enough, while having dinner with my in-laws that night, my water broke. It worked out perfectly because they were able to take Kenzie home with them and Mike and I headed off to the hospital to meet Miss Daphne. I was excited and eager to deliver her like I believed I was intended to.

That's where everything started going nothing like I planned.

I knew that I was already dilated 1 cm and 50% effaced. Apparently my water broke a little earlier than my OB would have liked. We checked in at the hospital and found out that although my water had broken I had not started contractions and was not any further dilated or effaced...first problem. The triage nurse knew I was a VBAC but seemed really skeptical because after your water breaks you can't be sent home (like you would if you thought you were in labor but had progressed far enough) but they can't just leave you either because of danger of infection without the amniotic fluid to protect the baby.

I had no choice but to start pitocin...second problem.

I moved to a labor and delivery room , started my epidural (which was embarrassing and awkward but bless my husband's heart for dealing with it) and was set up for a long night of contractions and trying to sleep...gearing up and reserving my strength for delivery. After a few hours, I progressed to 3 cm but only with the help of my nurse. After a few more hours...nothing. On top of that Daphne wasn't handling the pitocin well. Her heart rate kept dropping, forcing the nurse to turn off the pitocin altogether...third problem.

10 hours after arriving at the hospital, despite the pitocin, efforts on my nurse's part to help me progress, and my water breaking, I was still dilated only 3 cm, my baby's heart rate was unstable, and my contractions were progressively tougher but with no results. Around 5;30 I spoke to my OB who basically said that I could keep trying for the VBAC but my chances of going to an emergency c-section vs. a planned one were increasing fast because of Daphne's heart rate. For the safety of my baby, I really had no choice but to prepare for my second c-section. I had a moment of tears where I mourned losing my only attempt at a vaginal birth but quickly resolved to embrace our new plan.

After zero complications and sleeping through most of it, we greeted our second daughter at 6:17am on the 30th. She was perfect, APGAR was great, heart rate strong and stable. In recovery, Daphne latched and nursed extremely well and it seemed like everything was looking up...

Many parents know that newborns go through a couple screenings in the hospital including hearing. Daphne failed her hearing test twice. We also noticed and were told by every nurse and LC that she was tongue tied. Frustratingly, the pediatricians who do rounds through the hospital every morning kept saying her tongue tie was fine and required no intervention. So we headed home.

After being home only 24 hours, Daphne became inconsolable for almost 3 hours and was showing alarming BMs in a small period for a newborn so we ended up at Phoenix Children's emergency room. Fortunately, she was fine and we were discharged but not before the ER doctor who also happened to be a lactation specialist told us that Daphne was very tongue tied and we needed to get her frenulum clipped ASAP! Done!

Our pediatrician referred us to an ENT who happened to be her husband to get the tongue tie taken care of. While there, the doc looked in her ears and commented on Daphne having tiny ear canals. We mentioned that she failed her hearing test twice so he decided to suction out any built up fluid that could have been causing a blockage. He discovered that she has some kind of obtrusion in both ears (basically a deformity) which was preventing him from seeing her inner ear anatomy and from passing her hearing tests. We are now waiting to see an otologist (sp) who is going to likely look into a CT scan to see if her inner ears formed correctly and decide on the next course of action to open up her ears. There is no way to know right now if there is any hearing loss or problems with the inner ear.

We are still working on nursing together now that we had the tongue tie fixed. I am anxiously waiting to hear about Daphne's ears. In reflection, there are several things that have happened outside our control but Daphne is amazing. She's eating, sleeping, she smiles, she laughed yesterday, and Kenzie already loves her and does so well with her.

I guess you just never really know how things are going to unfold.

Submission and Surrender- not bad words

The words submission and surrender tend to cause women's hackles to rise and our chests to puff up in indignation. I think due in large part to our society and ongoing development of the feminist movement, the words submission and surrender imply weakness, deficit, and degradation. However, on the contrary, the Bible displays these terms in honorable, loving, and worthy ways.

Why am I writing about this?

This summer has led Mike and I on our first house buying experience. We are the property virgins! How very fitting that I refer to us that way because I certainly went into this process envisioning us looking at three amazing houses, all of which would be waiting and available for us to mull over, and with sellers who were more than willing to pay our closing costs. Oh I was wrong!

We have been up against deadlines (our lease ending, the school year starting, a baby on the way) and a less than desirable market (increasing interest rates, modest budget, and competitive market). The combination of all these factors made for a more stressful summer than we could have imagined.

A few weeks ago we found a lovely home and put in a bid, which was beat by another buyer. This caused us to go into something of a frenzy, feeling absolutely positive that we had to buy something right away or we would never find a home. Another home came along that just happened to belong to our wedding photographer. We decided to bid and it was accepted. We thought everything was perfect because the seller was even willing to negotiate with us and for a while we felt relieved that our house buying nightmare was ending. It wasn't.

The day before our inspection period ended, we met with the inspector and had a chance to see the house for the second time. Mike came to me that night with a gut feeling that something wasn't right. He just knew this wasn't our house. I of course was adamant that he was wrong! I knew our finances, interest rates were going up, the yard was great etc etc etc. I just knew that I was right and was very upset that Mike would put our family's future in danger because of some fleeting reservations. After hours of prayer (on his part, definitely not mine), Mike asked me to please trust him as my husband to make the right decision even if it wasn't the one I thought we should make. I said yes and then went to bed in a complete state of panic. The next morning I woke up with a sense of calm and peace that I can't find words to describe. I knew God was telling me to submit to my husband's will. Suddenly I was relieved that I didn't have to worry about the decision anymore. I know that day was really hard for Mike because our contract was final at midnight. The whole process was more difficult because we had to contend with hurting a friend's feelings by backing out on someone we knew. Ultimately Mike made the decision to cancel our contract. It was heartbreaking and we definitely took a financial loss in the decision.

The next day (Friday) I started chatting with my friend Cheryl from Tres Dias and as a real estate professional herself she had much encouragement and advice to offer. She suggested we meet for coffee the next morning, which we did.

Cheryl came to me on Saturday morning having spent time in prayer herself for Mike and me. Her first words of wisdom after hearing me rant and rave were, "you and Mike need to rest. God never intended for us to strive like this. Making huge financial decisions while you are this stressed is not smart and ultimately you need to rest in Him." Wow!
After sharing some other steps and ideas as well, I went home and shared Cheryl's advice and after praying together, Mike and I decided to give up house hunting for the rest of the weekend. No looking at our portal, no researching lenders, we just decided to rest for the weekend. I won't say surrendering in this way was easy because I am a doer and I could hear that nagging voice saying, "there is a house out there that someone else is scooping up right now." Oh shut up, stupid voice!

Fast forward to Monday morning. Cheryl's husband Fred sent me a couple listings to check out and my realtor's portal updated. Guess what popped up? Our dream home!!!! It was back on the market...WHAT!!! I called Mike and we put in an offer right away. Guess what? Not only did the seller accept but he offered to pay our closing costs!

This is what happens when we submit and surrender. That is the lesson I've learned here. I submitted to my husband's will and allowed him to make the right decision (my decision would have been wrong). Then we submitted to God and He demonstrated that He is in control, He already had a plan for the home we were supposed to have. I surrendered my will, my timing, my desire, and my insistence that I knew best and ultimately, we ended up with a home more perfect than we could have imagined, we saved .4% on our new interest rate, and we ended up with a little more cash in our pocket to work on some home renos. On top of that, we are closing with a month to spare before our lease is up so we have some leisure with moving.

Lesson learned...there is something beautiful and perfect in submission and surrender. They are not bad words.

DIY head band roll

After my exciting hair bow frame I decided to tackle a new project. A friend of mine shared her beautiful head band rolls that she made for her daughter's room and it inspired me to do the same.

Here is Jess's version:

She got her idea and tutorial from the following website and its a good one to check out for ideas: http://thebeautydepartment.com/2012/04/organization-station-headband-holder/

Here is my version:

1. I started with another trip to Hobby Lobby for more materials. Here are the additional supplies I purchased.

Fabric (I needed 2/3 yard for my paper towel roll) $3.84

Paper towel spool (I want my roll to stand, not hang) $1.99 plus I used my Hobby lobby 40% off coupon. 

Top flower $1.99

Mini pink roses $3.50

You will obviously want to pick colors and flowers that fit your room style.

2. Cover the paper towel roll in fabric. I removed the plastic first because I didn't want the hot glue to melt it. 

Once rolled, I folded the edge under to make it look nicer.

3. Tuck the fabric into the holes of the paper towel roll

4. You can now stand the roll up on the wooden holder

You will notice that it isn't very attractive so I planned to hot glue roses around the base. To do so, you have to pluck the flowers from the stems and then trim the plastic down so they will glue flat

5. There may be some extra wood showing so if you have spare roses you ca. Fill in that space

If the base doesn't lay flat you may need to trim the little plastic leaves.

6. Finally, add the flower to the top. If it has a stem, you can feed it down into the roll through the fabric. Add a couple dabs of glue to keep the flower in place.

Finished!

Here are some after photos once I added K's bows and clips to both projects

DIY hair bow frame

I decided to tackle a Pinterest project for hopefully less than what you can purchase it from the website. Here is what I was attempting to make:

I have wanted to make something to display K's bows since before she was born but I just didn't want the typical hanging ribbon from a flower. I saw this and fell in love... Also because her new room will be gray and pink. 

I took at trip to Hobby Lobby for the following materials:

Picture frame (I did 11 x 14 but the size is up to you) cost $16

Fabric I loved the gray Damask from the example so I sought that out and had the lady at the counter figure out exactly how much to cut. I need 3/8 of yard. Cost $1.83

Ribbon again I wanted pink see through ribbon. Cost $2. I still have quite a bit left, which I'm sure I will continue to use in K's new room. 

Hot glue gun

Scissors

Measuring tape

Here's what I bought to start:

Fist thing was to take the frame apart. You won't need the glass at all.

You will see here that the fabric is just enough to cover the frame back and it is doubled over

The fabric was a little longer than I needed so I trimmed before I started, keeping in mind where the hanging pegs are on the frame

Then, I glued the sides first using hot glue. I used a liberal amount but be careful because you will feel the heat through the fabric.

Since the fabric is doubled you will also want to put a dab of glue under the top layer as well. That way the fabric stays tight. 

To glue the top and bottom, I did triangle corners (like you would if you were wrapping a present). This makes the material tighter and thicker. 

Fabric done! 

Next is to add the ribbon. I used a tape measure to figure out the full distance around the frame. For my frame and material it was 15 inches

Next I needed to measure and decide how many ribbon strips to include. For this size frame and ribbon, 4 worked great, they are spaced 1 1/2 inches apart 

I laid a tape measure on the table and placed my strips of ribbon and frame board against it to keep the ribbons evenly spaced as I glued them down.

All the ribbon is on! 

Almost done. Carefully press the board back into the frame

Done!

You will notice my finished product is a little different from the example but I'm very pleased. I did not include the hanging bow at the top because it will get smashed in the move plus I'm not sure how I want to hang it yet so ill add that later. 

Total cost: less than $20 

Spice Up Your Life

I love pinterest and have tried many recipes, crafts, decorations, etc from that amazing website. Out of boredom one night I decided to do an overhaul of my spices and work on creating some of my own spice blends. I have the same spice rack full of the original supply of spices from our wedding registry. I realized there were some spices I've never even opened and although I didn't know the exact shelf life of spices and herbs, I figured 4 years was too much. I used the chart located at the bottom of the blog as proof that it was time to say farewell to most of my herb spices.

I went on a trek to Sprouts and discovered my new favorite part of the the store: bulk herbs. From there I filled up about 9 bags of herbs (all only 99 cents an ounce). For the lighter herbs that is beyond a great deal! When I came home I refilled many of my herb/spice jars and created several homemade spice blends from pinterest.

Poultry Seasoning

http://pinterest.com/pin/257127459948004734

Italian Seasoning

http://pinterest.com/pin/257127459948004704

Faijta Seasoning

http://pinterest.com/pin/257127459948004691

Steak Seasoning

http://pinterest.com/pin/286330488779923656

You may be wondering why I would even spend the time to make my own seasonings when I can buy all of these pre-mixed and ready for me at the grocery store. A couple reasons come to mind:
1. guaranteed no MSG
2. less sodium goes into my spice mixtures than store made ones
3. fun!

I encourage you to try to it

Herbs and Spices Shelf Life

			Freezer

	Pantry	Refrigerator	Freezer
Spices, whole	1-3 years	- -	2-3 years
Spices, ground	6-12 months	- -	1-2 years
Herb/Spice Blends, opened	1 year	- -	- -
Herb/Spice Blends, unopened	2 years	- -	- -
Herbs	6-12 months	- -	1-2 years
Chili Powder	6 months	- -	- -
Herbs, flakes or crushed	6-12 months	- -	- -
Fresh Herbs	- -	Up to 1 week	- -
Garlic	1 month	1-2 weeks	1 month

Handling Tips: 

Store in airtight containers in dry places away from sunlight and heat.

Whole cloves, nutmeg, and cinnamon sticks maintain quality beyond 2 year period.

Dried spices and herbs don't spoil; they just gradually lose their aroma and taste. If properly stored, they may be fine well past the "use by" date. Color aroma, and taste are all indicators of quality. Check potency by pouring a small amount in the palm of your hand (if seeds, crush first) and then sniff. If the scent is gone, discard the spice.

According to the experts at the Spice House, freezing won't hurt dried spices and herbs, but it probably won't extend their shelf life either.

Whole spices last longer than ground ones. For best quality, buy whole spices and grind them yourself just before use.

Refrigerate and DO NOT freeze fresh herbs. Basil is the most fragile. If it turns gray, discard it.

Source(s): 

Boyer, Renee, and Julie McKinney. "Food Storage Guidelines for Consumers." Virginia Cooperative Extension (2009): n. pag. Web. 7 Dec 2009.

Worry Wart

Are you like me? Do you worry too much? I am fully aware that the Bible calls worrying a sin, that worrying implies my lack of trust in God and that I am commanded in all things with prayer to bring my burdens to God.

Yes, I still worry...like all the time. The kind of worry that makes your stomach hurt and makes it difficult to feel happy about anything. The kind of worry that almost invokes paranoia that more things are wrong than the small issue that I'm worrying about.

Unfortunately, despite my efforts to be proactive or make amends this past week, things just went terribly wrong like they can do once in a while. Because of these vents, I've found myself worrying so much this week and along with it has come the stomach knots that rival the already present nausea.

So my question and reason for posting...what do you do? For those of you who are prone to worrying like me, what do you do to make it stop or manage it?